Now when I say rebel, I don’t mean that I went off and intentionally started doing things like drugs and the like, but I started making my own independence whether my mom liked it or not. By this time I was twenty years old, working a full-time job, but still living at home even though I wanted to be out on my own fulfilling my dreams.

I still felt that I was too ugly and shy to be an actress, so after reading a biography called, “The Westmores of Hollywood” by Frank Westmore, I had decided that I wanted to become a make-up artist for films. At least that way I would be able to make other people either ugly or beautiful and I would still be in the industry I wanted to be in … involved with making movies. Ever since Star Wars came out, I wanted more than ever to be a special effects make-up artist. I was totally blown away by the spectacular special effects in that film,  and it’s still my favorite movie saga of all time.

I had two very close friends in high school, and when the company I was working for needed to hire another person, I was able to get one friend in on a referral so we became co-workers as well. Since this chapter mostly covers my escapades with these two friends, for privacy, I’ll call the one who worked with me, Darla, and the other one (who was just as shy as I was in school) Danielle. Unlike Danielle and I, Darla wasn’t that shy. She was a little overweight, but she always had a lot of friends while Danielle and I had very few at school. In fact, Danielle and I always took the same classes together and I remember our history teacher sometimes called us Salt and Pepper because I had dark hair and Danielle was blonde, and we always sat in the back row so we wouldn’t be called upon. More often than not, that tactic didn’t work, however.

Anyway, one day at work, Darla was telling me about her older sister going dancing every night and how she had invited Darla to come. It was on the marine base (MCRD) in Point Loma, not far from where we worked, and Darla wanted me to go with her. Of course, I didn’t want to. I had never been to a dance in my life so naturally, I didn’t know how to dance. She finally convinced me to “just come and we’ll sit and watch”, so I finally agreed.

After work one night, I called my mom to tell her I was going and would be back late. Of course, she didn’t like it, but I figured I was nearly 21 and was old enough to start making my own decisions once in awhile. We went to Darla’s house and her sister drove us all to the nightclub on base. Darla and I sat at the table and watched while her sister danced with each guy who asked her. After awhile, guys started asking us to dance as well and Darla finally got up and danced, but I continued to decline by saying that I didn’t know how to dance and was just there to watch. Some guys offered to teach me, but I continued to decline. I did like the excitement though and enjoyed watching everyone. It wasn’t long before Danielle had joined in coming along with us as well, and soon the three of us started going by ourselves.

Now I don’t know if they remember this or not, but back in school as well as within our own families, we had seen the effects of alcohol and we all knew what drugs could do … so the three of us had made a promise when we were in school to never smoke, drink, do drugs, or have sex before marriage. However, this being the military base before they did their big clean-up, smoking and drinking was still a big thing and I later found out that many of the guys who were enlisted also smoked pot and did drugs as well. It was pretty much the same whether it was the marine base or naval base, and I assume it was the same with any branch of the military at the time. We ended up going dancing at most of those clubs.

Needless to say, it wasn’t long before Darla started letting the guys buy her a beer, and soon Danielle gave in as well. That was one promise that was broken. I held out and kept refusing, and would end up being the driver for awhile. Although it took a little more time and a lot more persuasion, I finally ended up giving it a try as well. My dad would sometimes give my sisters and me a taste of his beer when we were kids so we were familiar with the taste, but none of us had ever drunk it. We saw firsthand, the devastating effects it could have in families.

However, I finally gave in and ended up drinking half a glass. It really didn’t take much since I wasn’t used to it before I got what I was later told, “a buzz” from it. I guess that’s what they called it when you’ve had just enough to make you feel relaxed and a little giggly. I found that it made me less shy and I was able to talk more without feeling insecure or self-conscious. I began having a good ole’ time talking and eventually had the courage to get up and dance. By sitting there and watching people, I was able to imitate their moves pretty well by now.

Well, as you can guess, once you start down this path it doesn’t take long before you come to other paths that beckon to you, and sometimes, even though you know right from wrong, the thrill of adventure, freedom, and new experiences can be pretty hard for young people to resist when they are trying to find themselves.

It wasn’t long before we were going out every night and started dating some sailor boys. It was the first time in my life someone had ever asked me out and while we usually all went together, occasionally two of us would double up. Darla or Danielle and our dates would go to the movies or horseback riding along the beach. We’d go hiking in the mountains, which was one of my favorite things to do, and we would go shopping across the border in Tijuana. You could get things really inexpensively down there because the locals were willing to barter their prices. We found that they had some pretty good clubs down there too, so occasionally, we started going across the border to go dancing as well.

Darla and Danielle were always the first who eventually broke the promises we had made. Darla had seen the trouble her sister had gotten into. She had already had a few abortions … a mistake none of us wanted to repeat. Perhaps they had forgotten the things we said we’d never do, but I remembered them and I really wanted to keep those promises. It wasn’t long, however, before the two of them were not only drinking beer but hard liquor as well. As for me, I just stuck with the beer even though I didn’t really like it. Then they began smoking pot and it wasn’t long before they began doing the rest of the things we said we would never do.

I felt so alone as I was the only one who seemed to remember these promises, and although I had broken one of them, I was determined to keep the rest. That’s not to say that I didn’t do my share of kissing on the beach, but whenever a guy tried to put his hand where it shouldn’t be, this overwhelming guilt would sear my mind and the thought, “This isn’t right… this is wrong. Don’t let them do this,” kept going through my mind over and over again. I guess I knew it was wrong from my reading and studying the Bible. Usually though, the guy I was with and I would walk along the beach or sit up in the lifeguard stand and talk.

I’m not really a beach person, but I loved sitting in the lifeguard stands at night and watch the waves rolling in and out under the glow of the moon. The sound was so soothing without the noise of the daytime crowds. It would later become one of the spots I’d go to when I wanted to be alone and reflect on things and talk to God. I had a getaway spot up in the mountains as well, and would often drive up there in the middle of the night by myself and poured my heart out to Him. In retrospect, I realized it was a foolish thing to go to those places by myself. The beach and the mountains however, were the only two places in the world at that time, where I felt the closest to Him.

Darla, Danielle, and the others tried to get me to join them in their pot smoking, and it really concerned me that they had chosen to go down these paths. Unfortunately (or I should say fortunately) they were paths that I just couldn’t follow. I had seen the devastations caused by them through other extended family members, and I wasn’t about to repeat those mistakes.

I became more and more depressed as I saw my friends being pulled in deeper and deeper. I started making excuses and only went out dancing a few times a week instead of every night. Things had gotten worse at home as far as having arguments with my mom about my being out so late all the time, so she was glad that I was staying home more.

Darla started calling to tell me about their nightly escapades on the nights I wasn’t with them. It seemed that Danielle was sleeping with every guy she went out with and Darla complained, saying she was acting like a slut. “I’m sleeping with John (not his real name), but that’s different … I love him and he’s the only one.” Darla later ended up marrying him.

They continued to go dancing down in Tijuana. Sometimes I went with them, but not as often as before. One night Darla had called to tell me that Danielle had gotten in trouble with the police down there. It seems she had stolen someone’s purse at the club. After hanging up I went to my room and cried. I was losing my two best friends and I didn’t know how to help them because they wouldn’t listen.

Darla had gotten a little apartment on the outskirts of downtown San Diego, and when she sometimes had trouble paying the rent, she would ask to borrow money. I once loaned her $400, but she was never able to repay me. I didn’t loan her any more after that because I was saving my money to go to this film make-up school in Los Angeles. Somehow, someday, I was going to get out of San Diego!