One of my favorite times growing up was when we were able to get together with our cousins. We would often go visit aunts and uncles, and the adults would sit around the table, playing a board game they called Marbles (it was a homemade board that one of my uncles had made which looked similar to Trouble or Parcheesi), and the kids would all have a great time playing outside. We didn’t have video games in those days—we played out in the yard or streets. One of our favorite games was playing Hide & Seek at night, but we also enjoyed playing Kick Ball, Dodge Ball, Jump Rope, Baseball, Football, Red Rover, Snake In the Grass, Freeze Tag and all the other types of Tag, FourSquare, and other games. We also spent a lot of time riding our bikes and skateboards, and roller skating. We loved the outdoors and used our imaginations for coming up with a lot of creative ideas!
One day, while we were visiting my aunt and uncle who lived in Kearny Mesa (I was about nine or ten at the time) … all of us kids were outside playing baseball in the street with some of the other neighborhood kids. My cousin, Cindy, and I decided to run back to the house to get something. I don’t recall now, what the item was exactly, but while Cindy was busy looking for it in the closet, I happened to notice a magazine lying at the foot of her bed.
On the cover was a picture of a man with long, brown, shoulder-length hair and a beard. The look in his eyes was what fascinated me, however. They seemed sad, but kind, and I felt something that I couldn’t explain at the time. It was as if I somehow knew this man—that I had seen him somewhere before, but it couldn’t possibly be because I had never seen anyone like this before in my life.
I asked Cindy, “What’s that magazine?” She had found what she was looking for and was ready to go back out. “Oh, that’s all about Jesus,” she replied as she headed for the door. “He died for our sins.” “What is that again?” I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy, or something. She explained, “Whenever we do something wrong or bad, that’s sin. But Jesus forgives us for the bad things we do. That’s why he died for us—to forgive our sins.”
Jesus … I recalled that my dad had mentioned him, and I’m sure I had heard about sin before but had forgotten. I knew that he was God’s son, but I knew mostly that people used his name a lot when they were swearing. I found myself wanting to know more about this Jesus. I couldn’t believe that someone could love us so much that he would actually die for us! That was some kind of powerful love! “Can I stay here and read it?” I asked, knowing that there were more than enough kids to play a game and I wouldn’t be missed. “Sure, you can have it!” Cindy replied, eager to go back out. “I’ve already read it!” And with that, she was out the door.
I absolutely loved books, and reading was a favorite pastime as it always opened up whole new worlds to me. As I immersed myself in books, it was almost as if I was right there living the stories I read. I sat there on the bed looking at the magazine cover. It was the eyes that really intrigued me. They were blue and somewhat sad. I wondered why that was. I spent the next hour or so reading about Jesus and learning about the miracles he performed and the work that he did.
Before we left that evening to go back home, I showed my dad the magazine and asked if I could get it too. He thought it was a good thing so he later sent in a subscription for me. I can’t remember if it was a weekly or monthly magazine, but I remember that I was always looking forward to it coming in the mail!
When I wasn’t outside playing, I spent a lot of time in my room, reading or listening to records, or just lying on my bed thinking about things. I could really relate to that song by the Beach Boys titled In My Room. My room was my haven, my world … the one place I could go to get away from everything and go anywhere in my mind. I had two shelves the length of the short wall that separated my bedroom from my own bathroom, and my dad later let me use the bookcase he had built as well. They were all filled with books. It was here, in my room, that I learned the most about the man who loved me so much that he was willing to die for me.
This was the beginning of a life-long journey that was to become one of the most important things that I would ever do. It would also bring some of the most incredible spiritual experiences that I have ever witnessed in my entire life! It wasn’t an easy path, and it certainly wasn’t an easy journey. There were many valleys and pits of despair, great crushing boulders to dodge, and mountains to climb. There were times, like Job, where I felt as if my soul was in the depths of hell, racked with eternal torment because of the pain of anguish and remorse that I felt.
So great was my desire to know God, to know the truth, to know the purpose of my existence, and to know what really happens when we die … that I couldn’t rest until I found the answers! What’s on the other side of this life? Do the things we do really matter? There are those who say otherwise. So many questions and so many answers to seek … I wondered if I would ever find them all!